Tongue-in-Cheek


SEC Requires Short-Sellers to Buy Financials and Sell Commodities

Today is a momentous day, readers, for the state of the global financial system. In a shocking historic mandate, Congress, in concert with the SEC and the U.S. Treasury, has declared that all short sellers with open positions in financial companies must close their positions within three days, followed by a transfer of the newly liquid capital to the [...]